20 Miles, Doubt and Despair - Gerlinda
Last week's running kind of sucked. I was supposed to do something like 5-10-5, 20. or 6-8-6, 20. instead i did 6 miles on wed. and another 6 on thursday...
i ended up not running at all on tuesday (airport delays monday trashed my tuesday.) wednesday, i knocked out 6 fairly decent miles. thursday, i had an awful day spent in traffic court, after which i really needed to run... but when i got out on the road, i felt terrible - leaden, slow, just not into it. i kept having to stop and walk, just to get through it. friday i had a show & couldn't run...
saturday's 20 miles was the hardest run i've ever done. i got a late start, around 2pm (thanks to the show the night before, and to putzing the morning away.) the weather was beautiful - sunny and cool. by all rights, it should've been a good run, but ... i just wasn't into it. i felt ok physically, i guess. i gave myself short walk breaks every 3 miles. after the 6th mile, running across the "bridge of optimism" which i've described in previous posts, i got a bit of second wind and actually enjoyed myself for a few miles - but it was short lived. by mile 9, i was desperate for mile 10...just so i could turn around and go back. at mile 10, i stopped and stretched, ate a gel, walked for a minute, etc. by mile 12, i really just wanted the run to be over. by mile 14, i felt kind of dead on the inside and i really, REALLY wanted the run to be over. i kept telling myself "just 6 more miles to go..." but i wanted to punch myself, b/c i didn't (&)(*%&% feel like looking for )(*^*&%&% silver linings... at mile 15, i gave in and started letting myself take a short walk break at every mile, rather than every 2-3 miles. at mile 17, i actually stepped off the trail and had a bathroom break at this coffee shop along the way. (i could've sat on that toilet forever, by the way.) at mile 18, i tried to distract myself by thinking up a nationality for every letter of the alphabet. A = Argentinian, B = Bolivian, C = Canadian. Etc. At mile 19, I started counting my footsteps, but I couldn't concentrate and kept losing count...
Finally, I finished the *(&^)*^(&% run (3:19), and immediately my calves seized up in excruciating knots. I think I actually fell to the grass in a moment of melodrama, while my "crew" (who was actally tired and sore herself after biking 20+ miles, hauling my extra powerade and cliff blocs) grinned and say "way to go, grimes! you did it! 20 miles!) Somehow, I managed to haul myself back to vertical long enough to stretch. on the car ride home, it occured to me to take some advil. later, i had a hot bath and some excellent pizza...
i honestly don't know how in the hell i'm going to run 26.2 miles. don't get me wrong, i'll cross that blasted finish line if it kills me. but, i'm banishing all thoughts of race times and goals from my mind. i just want to finish and not die in the process. why was 20 miles so much harder than 18? was it that i stayed up late the night before? that i've been vacationing and my training & eating/sleeping schedule has been all out of wack? are (2) 20-oz bottles of powerade not enough hydration along the way? should i have eaten more than 1 gel and 1/2 pack of sports beans? was it that i switched to powerade instead of gatorade (cuz that's what they'll be serving on the disney course)? it wasn't that my body gave out, although i did have small aches and pains (my left ankle/arch is sore, my calves were tight, my hips got sore, whine, whine whine). but the physical stuff was nothing to the mental anguish - i simply couldn't get my mind off how difficult the run was and why anyone would be stupid enough to agree to run that far.
scheduling-wise, i was planning to run 22 miles this coming weekend, then 24 the next, then step it back a couple weeks before the marathon. now, i don't know. maybe i should ramp back to 14/15 miles this weekend, and then push ahead to 22/23 miles next weekend ... then call it quits with the heavy training and just rest up for the big race?
i ended up not running at all on tuesday (airport delays monday trashed my tuesday.) wednesday, i knocked out 6 fairly decent miles. thursday, i had an awful day spent in traffic court, after which i really needed to run... but when i got out on the road, i felt terrible - leaden, slow, just not into it. i kept having to stop and walk, just to get through it. friday i had a show & couldn't run...
saturday's 20 miles was the hardest run i've ever done. i got a late start, around 2pm (thanks to the show the night before, and to putzing the morning away.) the weather was beautiful - sunny and cool. by all rights, it should've been a good run, but ... i just wasn't into it. i felt ok physically, i guess. i gave myself short walk breaks every 3 miles. after the 6th mile, running across the "bridge of optimism" which i've described in previous posts, i got a bit of second wind and actually enjoyed myself for a few miles - but it was short lived. by mile 9, i was desperate for mile 10...just so i could turn around and go back. at mile 10, i stopped and stretched, ate a gel, walked for a minute, etc. by mile 12, i really just wanted the run to be over. by mile 14, i felt kind of dead on the inside and i really, REALLY wanted the run to be over. i kept telling myself "just 6 more miles to go..." but i wanted to punch myself, b/c i didn't (&)(*%&% feel like looking for )(*^*&%&% silver linings... at mile 15, i gave in and started letting myself take a short walk break at every mile, rather than every 2-3 miles. at mile 17, i actually stepped off the trail and had a bathroom break at this coffee shop along the way. (i could've sat on that toilet forever, by the way.) at mile 18, i tried to distract myself by thinking up a nationality for every letter of the alphabet. A = Argentinian, B = Bolivian, C = Canadian. Etc. At mile 19, I started counting my footsteps, but I couldn't concentrate and kept losing count...
Finally, I finished the *(&^)*^(&% run (3:19), and immediately my calves seized up in excruciating knots. I think I actually fell to the grass in a moment of melodrama, while my "crew" (who was actally tired and sore herself after biking 20+ miles, hauling my extra powerade and cliff blocs) grinned and say "way to go, grimes! you did it! 20 miles!) Somehow, I managed to haul myself back to vertical long enough to stretch. on the car ride home, it occured to me to take some advil. later, i had a hot bath and some excellent pizza...
i honestly don't know how in the hell i'm going to run 26.2 miles. don't get me wrong, i'll cross that blasted finish line if it kills me. but, i'm banishing all thoughts of race times and goals from my mind. i just want to finish and not die in the process. why was 20 miles so much harder than 18? was it that i stayed up late the night before? that i've been vacationing and my training & eating/sleeping schedule has been all out of wack? are (2) 20-oz bottles of powerade not enough hydration along the way? should i have eaten more than 1 gel and 1/2 pack of sports beans? was it that i switched to powerade instead of gatorade (cuz that's what they'll be serving on the disney course)? it wasn't that my body gave out, although i did have small aches and pains (my left ankle/arch is sore, my calves were tight, my hips got sore, whine, whine whine). but the physical stuff was nothing to the mental anguish - i simply couldn't get my mind off how difficult the run was and why anyone would be stupid enough to agree to run that far.
scheduling-wise, i was planning to run 22 miles this coming weekend, then 24 the next, then step it back a couple weeks before the marathon. now, i don't know. maybe i should ramp back to 14/15 miles this weekend, and then push ahead to 22/23 miles next weekend ... then call it quits with the heavy training and just rest up for the big race?
posted by August at 7:07 AM
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